*Inspired by Mia Nelson’s “To the girls talking in the library”

Hey, I love you & how

I can’t really be mad at you

Because the cans littering the floor remind me

That I am still in college

For a little bit longer.

& I love that you left

Cigarette butts on the coffee table &

silly string on the ground &

open bags of chips on the counter

overnight.

Because if I wasn’t cleaning up after you,

What else would I be doing at 4am,

On Monday the week of graduation besides

laying in my twin bed, unable to sleep through the racket

That is my own heart racing at

the thought of where my friends are going &

what I am doing &

how we will see each other &

if i will be this happy & safe & comfy

Again?

I mean, I know I will,

but the question is, when?

And honestly if I wasn’t washing your dishes right now,

I might be sobbing outside on the porch

So as to not disturb my sleeping floormates

Because my boyfriend left on the 3am coach

To go be a man who is not my boyfriend anymore

Somewhere else.

If I’m being honest, this isn’t the first time I got dumped &

wandered into the kitchen of this very house

In the middle of the night to scrub sticky alcohol

From a party the night before

Off the floor because

What else could I do with my anxious, empty hands?

& Hey, you knew I wouldn’t mind

If you drank my organic wine

Because I owe you big for the time

I got high & ate the birthday cake your mom ordered

for you &

which literally had your name on it.

I’m so guilty for all those nights

I came home screaming, giggling, stumbling

around cooking Kraft mac and cheese

For whichever group of friends I rounded up on frat row

To come eat with me while you

were just trying to finish your problem set at the table

In peace &

For all those times I stayed up studying

Until the birds chirped outside the kitchen window &

I’d leave my late night salsa dishes and cereal bowls

In the sink & go to sleep & by mid morning,

you’d washed them for me &

even left a pot of hot coffee

Waiting.

Basically, I thought I’d always hate the way you always

Seem to think the pantry is just naturally organized &

The drain catch empties itself &

The drying rack doesn’t ever overflow with dishes but now

I never take for granted the the way you never

Grill a cheese sandwich without offering one to me nor

Venmo request me for your weed nor

Ask me to stop singing taylor swift so loudly in the morning nor

Let me feel too sad or too lonely for too long because

Every time I come home from a boring class or

A stressful study session in the library or

a disappointing party

You’re right here in the kitchen,

laughing.

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